A local school is mildly annoyed this week as a multitude of cats have begun to inhabit the campus. Otis College of Art and Design has recently found itself overrun with furry felines seemingly overnight.

A cat terrorizes a local student.

Officials confirmed the existence of the gaggle of kittens. “Yeah, we showed up last Wednesday to start working for the day, and wouldn’t you know, just so many kittens. Everywhere. They are everywhere,” reported Alice Day, Secretary of Defense for Otis College. She declined to speculate as to their existence.

The school added cat alarm buttons to every elevator to respond quickly to any cat mayhem.
There is currently no definitive timeline for cleaning up the cats. Experts have been pouring into the campus to weigh in on different possibilities to ethically remove the critters from the campus. One such expert, Lucius Vayne, Senior Professor at the University of California: Los Angeles teaching Cat Theology, theorized, “Maybe, like, we can get a TON of catnip. They’ll get so intoxicated, they’ll just fall over, and we pick them up and load them onto a tractor trailer.”

Cats invading a classroom.

Other experts are not so sure if removing the cats is in the best interest of the cats. Felicia Trent, Grand Wizard of the local chapter of PETA, noted, “These cats have decided on Otis as a home, an environment! HASHTAG JE SUIS KITTY!”

The students have been particularly harmed by the cat invasion. With finals coming up, there is no time to be distracted by the beautiful cats. One Otis student, Britany LaPointe complained, “These cats are too cute man! I can’t deal with it! I’ve cuddled with at least 20 cats today! I have to finish my skirt! Send help!”

Some students have begun to speculate on the origin of the catborne menace. The most popular post on the OtisRumorMill community on Reddit implicates Professor Ahn. Regarding the rumors, Ahn commented with her personal Reddit account, /u/xx_ReadOzinePlz_xx as follows.

The uproar has made waves across social media tonight, and President Obama is expected to make a speech on the catastrophe this Thursday, when he sits down with John Cena to announce a new partnership between Congress and WWE. Details are yet to emerge.

- Jose -


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